Talking to Yourself

To this day, I practice monologues in the mirror. I talk to myself, my friends, my family, my enemies, and whomever else. My husband will catch me in the shower having full blown conversations and looking around like a father catching his child talking to a “ghost”. I practice hypothetical scenarios to prepare myself for presentations, conversations, potential confrontations, and other life scenarios. 

What I did not realize, and quite honestly still struggle with, is to practice positive, productive conversations to yield more fruitful experiences rather than confrontation and conflict. One major lesson, I did not quite learn until about 2018 (five years into my self-healing adventure), is that there is no right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative… there just is. This concept is a bit more high level, so we won’t get into it now. 

Back to ‘What to Say When You Talk to Your Self’. Ultimately, I am responsible for myself and you are responsible for yourself. As a mother who has been entrusted with a child, she would be responsible for another person – to an extent. At the end of the day, you and I make the choice. I make the choice to be angry, happy, sad, aggressive, passive, etc. I must take responsibility for my actions and thoughts. However, I do not need to take responsibility for how others perceive me. 

Changing your self-talk is not as simple as it seems.

Now, I will qualify this book and say that changing self-talk is not as simple as Shad Helmstetter makes it seem. You can identify as an educated, logical person and still hold illogical beliefs. You might be an “expert” in your field, and still make novice mistakes. You can have the world’s “healthiest”, “fittest” body and still be sick. 

Understand that many of our habits and behaviors stem from events our conscious mind might deem irrelevant. However, our subconscious and/or automatic nervous system might react otherwise. What we say out loud is the first step… what we say in our head is the next. 

Once you start to bring awareness to your present thoughts, whether conscious or subconscious, you will truly begin to change in your desired manner. It is not just about “being positive” and “thinking positive”, it is present-moment awareness that sparks the growth and transformation you may be looking for. 

These two books helped to reduce – not eradicate – my unproductive speech. I began to speak kinder to my spouse, my family, and to myself. As the habit grew, speaking kinder to colleagues, peers, and strangers felt more authentic, rather than forced and fake. 

Our words and thoughts have power and meaning beyond the present moment. What are you saying to yourself and others? Do you like it? Do your words benefit you? Would you like them to change? Only you have the ability to grow yourself. Others further along the journey can only offer support and strategies… success and actual change is ultimately up to you.